The Power of Storytelling

Why Sharing Your Story Matters

When I started this blog, my primary goal was to share my story. It was more than just putting my experiences out there—it was about releasing the weight I’ve carried for so long. For decades, I have held onto these memories and emotions, not realizing how deeply they had impacted my life. I have always seemed to have this ability to lock things away, in some deep part of my brain, and for me it was out of sight, out of mind. Little did I know, no matter how deep I thought I had buried them, they spilled over into my entire approach to life, completely shaping who I had become. This realization did not come to fruition until the isolation from the “pandemic” and the loss of both my parents within three years. My dad in late 2019 and mom in 2022. It all came together as a perfect storm in my head. Everything unwound, memory after memory begin to surface, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

As I began designing the blog, I envisioned it as a space where I could tell my story authentically and completely. I wanted to discuss mental health topics, like my diagnoses of CPTSD, ADHD, ASD, and Agoraphobia (ADHD diagnosed in my 30’s and ASD, CPTSD and Agoraphobia at 50). Writing has always been my preferred way to express myself, so I planned to share original poetry and creative works as well. Another focus would be one of the root causes of my CPTSD: being shunned as a ten-year-old by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. This traumatic experience has lasted a lifetime and is the main reason I found myself where I am today. It is the foundation for a portion of my blog dedicated to revealing the truth about “The Truth.”

I wanted to launch the blog with meaningful content in each area, and mostly, I’ve accomplished that. The poetry section features several of my original works, complete with a media player so you can hear me reading them aloud. I’ve published three well researched mental health related articles and three diving into the domineering, controlling, and harmful aspects of the Jehovah’s Witness organization in the “Everything JW” section. I also created an online shop with original t-shirt designs and a donation page for those who want to help support my journey, because in truth, at this stage of my life I’m struggling. Thank you in advance to anyone who donates or picks up a t-shirt in my store. I will add more merchandise as I move forward on this path.

And then came the hard part and closest to my heart. The “My Story” section. Although to me the most important had yet remained untouched. I had no idea how to approach it or where to even begin.

Facing the Unseen Weights

Carrying Invisible Burdens: The Impact of Trauma

These past five years have been rough. After losing my dad, the pandemic struck in early 2020. With the quarantine in full effect, I was forced into isolation and this is when things took a turn for the worse. In isolation, all these things I had been holding in, begin to spill out. Everything I kept locked away deep inside my head resurfaced and with a vengeance. All these childhood memories begin to flood my brain and I begin reflecting on how life has been for me in general. I never allowed myself to go there. I knew it was there, but I could keep myself busy enough to...remember to forget. Feelings of rejection, worthlessness, abandonment, hopeless despair and fear started overwhelming me. Realization was creeping in and the isolation was only intensifying it.

Although quarantine eventually ended, for me, it was just the beginning of what has turned into a downward mental spiral and continued isolation. Then, when mom passed away in 2022, and the aftermath of that experience, that was enough to push me right over the edge. I wasn't living anymore—I was merely existing. With no passion, no friends, no family (although I never had that), no support system, and no interest in anything, I felt like a prisoner of my own mind. I was alive, but life was over. I felt the breaking point approaching rapidly. It felt as if my body wanted to explode into a million different pieces. I just wanted to run, run as fast and as far away as I could. But, no matter how far I ran, I was still there. By now, I was close to my fourth year of isolation. The anxiety was extreme. The feelings, indescribable, I just felt so lost in every possible direction. Something had to give, somehow, someway.

I’m not sure what came over me. I was one to never show my weakness or reveal my true face. In the past, I could appear as I thought I should appear, no matter what was going on inside. The outside world had no idea. This time was very different. I knew there was no way I could overcome this on my own or pretend it wasn't there. Somehow, I found the strength to reach out for help.

Reaching Out for Help

The Courage to Seek Support

Making that call to the local crisis line was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My executive function was barely working — I could hardly put words together to make a sentence—but I explained my situation as best I could. Panic was overriding every sensation. My heart was pounding in my chest. I was sure I was on the verge of a heart attack. That call likely saved my life. The woman on the line was not intimidating at all, and was able to talk me down to a place of calm. Well, calm is a bit of an exaggeration but, relative to where I was before, I picked up the phone. Yeah, calm. Within a couple of hours, a crisis manager was at my house. She spent nearly four hours with me, listening, assessing, and guiding me through that dark moment. She was an absolute angel and to this day; I am so grateful to this woman. She was the kind of person you could just feel the genuine compassion and energy radiant from her. I had never let myself talk so freely, and it felt good.

Since then, I’ve started the long process of healing. I began therapy, underwent a full psychological evaluation, and got some answers to the questions that had haunted me for years. The reasons for my life, even though appearing very successful at times, have been a consistent internal struggle. And why I never, ever would reveal what was going on inside, even to those closest to me. I always had this internal conflict and believed if people really knew what I was feeling, rejection would follow, looked at as less than, and then abandonment. After the phycological evaluation the dots started connecting, I learned, aside from ADHD, I have ASD, CPTSD, Social Anxiety disorder, Panic disorder, Major Depressive disorder of the severe type and recurring type and, because of my prolonged isolation, I had developed agoraphobia. Yeah, I was a fucking mess! But knowledge is power. I could now understand myself better and, in hindsight, it was very clear. I had always known there was definitely something different about me. I knew I felt and experienced things differently than most, but I always convinced myself it was my creative uniqueness. Little did I know...

While I resisted taking medication at first, believing I could make progress with therapy alone. And I was feeling somewhat better now, with a support system in place. In reality, I had progressed very little. The therapist I had was great, but the psychiatrists that prescribed the medication seemed abrasive, pushy, and I did not feel like she listened to me at all. After months of resisting, and at my therapist's suggestion, I found a different psychiatrist. The one I decided on sounded promising. We had our first virtual appointment, and that turned out to be a key decision in my treatment.

This new doctor was different. She paid attention; she listened to me and my objections. She talked to me like I was a regular human being. She was straight up about everything, told me what to expect and answered all my concerns. I felt I could trust her and we finally agreed on some medications. There were some side effects and the first month was a little rough, but just as she said, my body adjusted and the side effects went away. Things were feeling different, too. The massive impending doom that was overshadowing my every breath lightened. I let go of the idea that taking medication was admitting defeat. I was noticing changes in how my days were playing out. I finally felt like I was moving in a forward direction.

Embracing Creative Outlets

How Creativity Becomes a Lifeline

 Now, four months later, I’m seeing, at least what I consider, real progress. The anxiety has eased tremendously. My hyper-focus on my interests had returned. My brain feels clearer. I feel like I can actually think now, before it just seemed to be an endless void. I’ve rediscovered passions I thought were gone. The days of just sitting on the couch endlessly scrolling through YouTube until it was finally time to go to sleep again had ended. I am actually doing things I enjoy, although I am still spending most of my time at home. I never really understood agoraphobia until actually having it. It's real, and it's what I feel like I struggle with the most. I know it might take a while and progress will be gradual, but it's all about taking baby steps. Like they say (whoever “they” are) Rome wasn't built in a day. Building this blog–from scratch, might I add–and writing again has really become a vital part of my healing process. It is irrelevant to me whether this becomes a successful or popular blog; the healing is the part that matters. Maybe I will be the only one to read these words. The reward is in the process.

Well, I think my ADHD just got the best of me. I really went off on a tangent with all I just shared. That was not my intention for this first post at all! My plan was to write something very different. Sometimes my brain has other plans and doesn’t fill me in until the last minute. I have learned, especially with writing, when it starts flowing, just go with it. With ADHD “just go with the flow” is more than a one-liner motivational, it's a rule of life.

My intention was to explain the trouble I was having writing the first post to “My Story” and how I solved the problem. However, things unfold as they should unfold. It allowed me to give you a good taste of what these last five years have been like and how it has led me to the here and now. A lot of times that is just how my writing works, I set out to tell one story and another one decides to show its face. I will share a bit of what I had planned on writing about today at it will get you ready for the next post.

A couple of months ago, I had an idea that I thought would help my healing process. The idea itself scared the shit out of me, but I couldn’t let it go. I went for it, deciding to do something different and way outside my comfort zone. On YouTube, there are quite a few channels that are focused on Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. They vary in content, but most of them are people dealing with leaving the JWs and the struggles that come with it, like their shunning practice. For those of you not familiar with it, being shunned as Jehovah's Witness is traumatizing. Once shunned, it is as if you don’t exist to them anymore and this includes all family. It's brutal. There are a few channels I keep up with regularly and a few of those do interviews. And there is my idea. I was going to let myself be interviewed, tell my story, let it all out.

With a quick, impulsive decision (before I changed my mind!) I reached out to a channel I liked called “EXJW Diaries” with an E-mail and an offer to be interviewed. My story differs from most you see on YouTube. It is mostly adults that are talking about their experiences with shunning, not a 10-year-old that has been shunned for over 40 years and the experiences of the long-term impacts being shunned as a child has on someone. After writing the E-mail, I didn't hesitate and pushed send. There was no turning back now. It did not take long for Justin, who runs the channel, to respond. After a few conversations, we agreed on a date and it was on.

Sharing My Story

The Interview That Changed Everything

I was extremely nervous but committed. Justin had told me his interviews usually last about an hour. The interview took place on November 23rd. I dove in head first, a lot came out, more than I could have ever imagined. I revealed some things that I have never shared. I did most of the talking. Once I started going, it just kept coming out. At times the subject matter was heavy. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes times I cried. When all was said and done, the interview ended up being nearly two and a half hours long!

And for me, all I can say is wow! Little did I know how much of a release that would be. It really was like a tremendous weight lifted from my shoulders. The interview premiered on YouTube on November 25th and, as of this writing, has over 6000 views and nothing but love coming from all the comments! That interview became the catalyst to get me going on how to approach writing my story in words.

I will share that video in three parts, embedding each part at the bottom of the next three posts. Alongside each video, I’ll expand on key moments, provide deeper insight, and include timestamps to help you follow along. It's a little raw at times and I jump around the story quite a bit, but I will explain everything I think might be confusing in each post. One thing is for sure, it is the most authentic and honest view of my life I have ever allowed. It was a great experience for me as I strive every day to make authenticity a part of who I am. If you are a JW watching, maybe it will open your eyes. If you are an Ex-JW, you will feel my pain and know your decision to leave this evil organization was the correct one. And if you are neither, you will gain a massive insight on the long-lasting and mental impacts shunning has for those involved. For those of you who want to watch it in full, here's the link to see it on YouTube.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I’m 51 at this point and just beginning my journey of healing, but, for once in my life, there is a new feeling running through my soul. It's called hope. For most of my life, I didn’t know what that felt like. I still struggle hard with agoraphobia and only have two friends in my life other than my therapy support, and for now, I’m content with that. Now that I have laid it all on the table with full authenticity, I invite anyone who would like to connect to leave a comment. I am ready to expand my circle, take off my mask and just be me. I live out in the middle of nowhere North Carolina. I call it my isolation station! I love the peace and quiet of it, but I have very few visitors.So, again, leave a comment if you want to connect or just have a question and I will respond–or if you rather use my contact form, that goes straight to my email. If you are able, please check out my store or support me with a donation. I have no income and I am waiting on my disability to get approved. I live off of my savings, which has dwindled over the last five years. Good news is, I have no debt and I own my property. I’m able to get by on very little. All store purchases or donations are greatly appreciated. I will upload more content regularly on a few different subjects. I even have some fictional stories I will share in a serial of posts. Also, lots of poetry will be coming. I deal with agoraphobia; I have nothing better to do but sit and write! At least I enjoy it! Till next time.. I wish you peace, love and I am filled with gratitude for you taking the time to read these words….

Do you like what you see? Consider supporting my journey by visiting the shop or making a donation of any amount. Every little bit helps. If you can,Thank You! If you cant, Thank You for being here!